I'm not waiting, I've decided. I can't be. Waiting would be full of the what ifs.
What if he has the ring? ...But I know he does - I was there when he bought it, twice!
What if he won't propose for another 6 months and I'm working myself up? Nope, not worried. The guy can't hold himself back. He's definitely into marriage.
What if he returns the ring? I'm laughing now. He already did, but only because we both agreed it had to happen. Actually, he returned one ring and one diamond since the Helzberg incident. I'm going to refer to it as, "The Helzberg Disaster". Kind of like "The Hindenberg Disaster" except that no one died in a fire. I know it isn't quite PC, but anyone who remembers that incident well probably isn't someone who is likely to be reading online blogs. Just sayin'.
What if I bug him too much about getting engaged and he gets turned off? Honestly, I think he talks about marriage more than I do. I am possibly a deeply troubled individual with many problems, but this is not one of them.
I actually believe that these what ifs are very common for women in the "waiting period" as they call it. Since none of them apply to me and my situation, I'm going to just call this "The Process" and call it good.
In fact, I even have a diagram of a process we use in advertising that resembles the way I am attacking "The Process".
1. Where are we and why are we here? This is a good question. In fact, I think before any couple considers marriage this should be a question that is asked and discussed in depth. Where are you in your relationship? What led you to that point? Mr. Fox and I discussed this from early on, all the way up into the present. When we finally got down to the nitty gritty (mind out of the gutter, please) we had a good discussion about it one night. Turns out, we were both cool with the idea of marriage.
2. Where do we want to be? Consider the stage of your relationship. Are you happy where you are? Is he happy where you are? Would you both be happy to take the next step forward? Are you even ready? If he is happy with your live in girlfriend status and you aren't, move out. He'll either jump on board with the next step or you've single-handedly saved yourself from the misery you'll find either now or down the road. If you are mismatched, it's not your fault. Maybe he'll come around later, just not now. Maybe he won't.
3. How could we get there? If you are mismatched, it's not your fault. Maybe he'll come around later, just not now. Maybe he won't. Only you can make that call. If you are both on the same page like Mr. Fox and I were, great! That means you need to implement something like "The Process" to get the ball rolling. It might as logical as our plan or as simple as dropping hints that you'd like to get there. Don't drop a ton of hints though, guys don't like it. Say that you'd like to get married in the near future once or twice and they'll get the picture. If they don't, you are mismatched in priorities. Refer to the beginning of this paragraph.
4. Are we getting there? So you've told him you would like to get married in the near future. The near future or some equivalent of 6 months passes. How are you doing? Did you discover you were mismatched? Do you already have a ring on your finger? Everyone's definition of the near future is different. Maybe the near future is a year or two years for you, maybe it's the 6 months I already mentioned. Do things at your own speed. If he doesn't work with your timetable, you two are likely mismatched in priorities. If you completed all the steps up to this point and you thought you were both on the same page, he's likely stalling. Make sure his head is facing you when you go through the previous 3 steps. Any attention given to the TV or computer screen likely messed the entire sequence up along the way and you'll have to revert to Step 1 all over again!
I hope this post helps people in the "pre-engagement waiting period". The best advice I can give you is to be a chill, cool chick who doesn't hassle or push your guy. It tends to win their respect or something (don't ask me to get into the male brain, I can't even sort out my own). Until later!
No comments:
Post a Comment